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[Dec. 1st, 2007|03:54 pm] |
Organizations I Will Never Be A Member Of:
Mensa Though their Web site attempts to hoodwink me into believing I can easily become a Mensan with phrases like "You already BELONG. Isn't it about time you JOINED?" I doubt that I'd be able to qualify. I am referring to their $40 Admission Test, on which I must score above the 98th percentile. Obviously the 98th percentile thing is no problem, but forty dollars? Who has that kind of money lying around? Way to be prejudiced against the poor, Mensa.
AARP As long as I continue with my Stay Young Forever plan, there's no way these slow-moving bloodsuckers will be able to clutch me in their arthritic fingers. Sure, it would be nice to save 20% at Reebok, but I have a nagging suspicion that there is a seedy underbelly to this seemingly worthwhile outfit. I found their Web site confusing and felt they were trying to fool me with their countless photos of elderly couples giggling together. I even had a hard time finding their age requirement and I had to Wikipedia it to find out that it is 50. Even their application didn't tell me this. Quit pulling the wool over my eyes, AARP--I'm either in or I'm out. Also, the "Fun and Games" section only included Sudoku and a few word games. I guess we have differing ideas of what constitutes "Fun." I did, however, enjoy that they have a button I can push to make the text size bigger or smaller. It's good to know that even when my visual abilities start to decline I'll still be able to be confused by the many, many links on their homepage.
Knights of Columbus I'm happy to say I stand for all the same "core virtues" the KoC stands for, namely Charity, Unity, Fraternity, and Patriotism. Unfortunately, there are some things about me that the KoC does not stand for, namely the fact that I have a vagina. I thought there was also an age requirement around the same level of the AARP, but as it turns out any man over the age of 18 can become a member. Somehow I doubt that the KoC is popular among the 18-25 set, or even the 18-45 set, but it's nice to hear that unlike those AARP bastards they'd be more than willing to let a college student in, assuming that college student is a "practical Catholic gentleman." What is a "practical Catholic"? Well, I'm glad you asked. According to the KoC Web site a practical Catholic is "one who is in union with the Holy See and practices the precepts of the Catholic Church." It's creepy phrases like this one that make me happy I was born without a penis and a controlling grandfather, but to be honest there are some KoC aspects I do find appealing. For example, members must promise not to reveal the details of their "ceremonies." It's probably a safe assumption that there's nothing cool going on at KoC meetings, but the fact that I can't know makes me desperately want to know. Also, they refer to themselves as "The Knights." Goddammit that's a sweet nickname.
Boy Scouts of America Unlike the Boy Scouts, I only associate myself with "known or avowed" homosexuals. This is just one example of areas on which we differ. However, there are some cool things about the BSA. As a former Girl Scout, I mostly resent the Boy Scouts for their obviously cooler group activities, like hiking, camping, and nursing secret feelings for their troop leaders. I'm not so into these things, but I'm bothered by the fact that they got to whittle shit around a campfire while I was stuck making lanyards and forcing my parents to buy cookies. Also, the Boy Scout uniform is much sweeter than my Brownie Scout outfit, although we did get to have a beret. And though nowadays I'm much more apt to eat a sleeve full of Thin Mints than I am to carry a backpack in the wilderness or tie a sweet knot, perhaps things would be different if the BSA had let me raise my hand in a three-finger salute. |
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[Dec. 18th, 2006|11:44 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pretty bag! | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Blondie - Rapture | ] |
Aki made me this bag today!
It is absolutely INCREDIBLE. She is insanely talented.
akihayden.com
akihayden.com
akihayden.com
Thank you, Aki :) |
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